Ubisoft E3 2016 conference live report
Yves! Aisha! French quirkiness! Live from 9pm BST.
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Ubisoft, traditionally, offers the quirkiest conference of them all, and we don't think 2016 will disappoint. There'll be some games as well, we hope, in the shape of Watch Dogs 2, Ghost Recon Wildlands and a special all-new IP being unveiled during the show. And there'll always be little tiny Yves to cheer on as well.
Our live coverage of this event has finished.
IronSoldier: "Yves! Aisha! French quirkiness!" ...and hostile takeover bids by Vivendi?!
I'd be very impressed if that aggression extended to them attempting a takeover *during* an E3 press conference.
Anyway, we're live here in just under an hour. Join us, why don't you?
Every year, my heart breaks a little when I realise we're not going to get a return for Mr. Caffeine.
Aaron Priceman really is the hero E3 needs right now, and the one he deserves and all that.
Ep1cN3ss1e: When is it on? Would be nice to put the starting time on these pages. I see "the show will begin shortly" on the video.
9pm BST.
Hello from inside the lovely Orpheum Theatre in Downtown LA, where we're being treated to a typically bizarre pre-show.
Ubisoft is 30 this year so we have been treated to Ubi developers talking about turning 30 which was actually quite sweet. I turn 30 next year so it's reassuring to see all of these 30+ year olds looking alive and well.
dogmanstaruk: Any rumours about Creed being shown off?
Not that I've heard - Ubisoft may be keen to give the franchise's incessant PR cycle a clean break.
I did find this in the lobby though...
That's the suit from the movie. Will the Fass be making an appearance this afternoon?
The Orpheum Theatre really is the loveliest. It's the one thing I genuinely miss when not out at E3.
We're abandoning the PC gaming show - which has seen a fine succession of games - to turn our attention to Ubisoft's conference, which is just kicking off.
And we are live.
Starting with Just Dance, because they know where it's at. Gawd bless Ubisoft.
I'd be happy if it's just 90 more minutes of this, to be honest.
Is this the first musical number for E3 this year?
There is a lion and a giraffe and glitter and it really is the greatest thing.
I'm not even joking - what a wonderful reminder how silly and fun games are.
Ubisoft, don't ever, ever change.
You be you, Ubisoft. You be you.
I absolutely love Aisha Tyler.
And the line-up has just leaked. I won't mention it here, because I know you might not want spoilers.
But it looks good!
We're taking a moment to remember the victims of Orlando. Big applause.
An NX announcement too! Just Dance 2017 is coming to Nintendo's new console.
I think that's the first announcement from a western publisher for NX?
Aisha is really bringing it.
AmicableWalrus: Was Caffeine Guy Ubisoft? When was that?
2010, I think. We're all so old.
#girlwood
Ghost Recon Wildlands is our first big game.
I feel so conflicted about this - I've loved Ghost Recon games in the past, but I'm not feeling this open world spin so far.
Let's see if that changes in the next five minutes.
DakeyrasUK: It was 2011
You're right!
Well, this CG trailer certainly isn't going to change anyone's mind about anything.
Now this is a man whose nipples I'm sure we'd all love to see. Dominic Butler's shirt is undone to the point where you could almost see them peeking through.
Is the special edition of Wildlands going to come with a couple of grammes of wallop?
Hopefully we're about to see some gameplay.
And here we go.
Complete with scripted in-game chat, which I'm always a fan of.
On the positive side, what we're seeing looks very much like real in-game footage - i.e a little rough around the edges.
It still looks pretty great, mind.
DakeyrasUK: Where's all the dick jokes between these so called "friends"?
I'd love them to use some real-life in-game chat some day.
Pacman8MyGhostkart: I wish one day the banter would just be quotes from the first Predator movie instead.
I also approve of this.
I would love that too. When we play Destiny it's usually just Martin apologising all the time.
Apologising for being SO DAMN GOOD, right?
God, our bants is officially worse than the scripted stuff in this demo.
A genuinely co-op open world, with the tactical layer implied by Ghost Recon, could be a truly wonderful thing. And this is convincing me that it will be.
March 7th 2017 release date.
I might have figured out what's going on with Dominic's accent by then.
South Park up next.
Ubisoft's San Francisco studio is on this.
Matt and Trey are now going to be naughty for a little while.
I didn't get the Kanye joke. I'd ask someone to explain it to me but I don't know if I should.
Iain815: I'm surprised they haven't made an Archer game.
Good lord yes that's a grand idea.
The Stick of Truth is being offered as a freebie for pre-orders for the Fractured Butt Hole.
DakeyrasUK: Kanye was asked if he likes fish sticks (sounds like fish dicks). He said yes, and was then asked if he was a gay fish. He got mad because he didn't get it.
Thanks for the explanation. Sorry for being old and out of touch!
Genuine laughs in the audience throughout all of that and lots of love in the room.
That was South Park. It's got swearing in it.
The Division's up next - maybe we'll find out more about from the expansion.
You may not be able to see on the stream but Aisha's wearing absolutely fierce red heels.
Julian! The man who once rocked cargo shorts and blazer on this very stage.
Nipples definitely pierced, is what I'm saying.
Free outfits coming to the game today.
Announcement of a new expansion, too, called Survival.
Coming to Xbox One and PC first, as is the deal with The Division.
It's got snow in it. Which can mean only one thing.
Pert nipples.
Oculus and VR next.
I can't stop looking at Palmer's toes.
And Oculus founder Palmer Luckey, bless him, is sticking to his flip-flops.
It's so, so hard to demo VR effectively on-stage.
As I think this is proving. These people are having a great time, but I don't think that really comes across.
My attention is drifting, and is being drawn to Carsten's nipples.
I wonder if these developers iron their own shirts for these events? I've been really impressed by the quality of the laundry at this year's event.
I don't think I've seen an errant crease on-stage once so far.
Guy to my left is checking his Facebook. Chap to my left is on Instagram.
That, combined with the fashion for slightly tight-fitting shirts, has been great for nipple watch.
I wish you lot could go to one of these events to see these shirts in the flesh. They're amazing.
I don't think even Xbox Scorpio would be able to render their smoothness. Not even the highest quality pixels in the world!
Have they stopped playing that game yet?
dogmanstaruk: We have been on E3 nipple watch since Peter Moore amazed us last night.
It was a strong start, and the highlight of E3's show for sure.
I'm really looking forward to this next one.
Red Storm is up on stage for more VR jazz.
Levar Burton everyone!
It's a Star Wars VR game.
Essentially this seems like Artemis in VR. And that is a very exciting prospect.
Yeah, definitely saw a flash of Urban's nipples there. Thanks for the heads-up.
I didn't even know that Ubisoft had the Star Trek licence.
This is a better cameo than Mourinho, for sure. LEVAR BURTON!
Who has four VR headsets and four VR-ready PCs at home?
What! I want to go to the house party with Brent Spiner, Jonathan Frakes, Aisha Tyler and Levar Burton.
KingCarrot: For some reason i find myself uncounsciously caressing my own nipples. Thanks, Martin, for making me a weirdo.
My work here is done.
Coming this fall on all VR systems. I think I'll play this one.
For Honor is up now.
It's coming out February 14th 2017. It feels like a long time since it was announced.
MrTomFTW: What did I start with that Peter Moore nipple comment. I don't know if I should be proud or embarrassed.
What you did was important, Tom. Very important.
Beard of the show winner 2015 returns. Still a strong contender.
Ooooh, I'm not sure I want to see Jason Vandenberghe's nipples. They'd be terrifying.
Well, that did it. I'm properly aroused by Jason's incredible stage presence.
KingCarrot: He has fists for nipples. And is summoned by the smell of beef jerky.
qft
Hitting things looks like fun.
Missed cues and rough edges show that Ubisoft's really doubling down on showing real gameplay. That's a good thing.
There are your vikings, and the most prominent nipples you'll find on box art in 2017 I bet.
A Grow Home sequel, I believe.
I need to play the original still - Donlan swears by it. He's got the biggest grin on his face right now.
Grow Home Pilotwings, as succinctly put by Oli. We can all get behind that, right?
Another impeccable shirt. Maybe it's never seen an iron - it might be brand new just for today.
Coming out this August on Xbox One, PC and PS4.
Grow Up, that is. Not the shirt. You can get that from any Burtons right now.
RedLynx, and the very weird, very lovable Antti - the chap behind Trials - and Dean Evans, who I think worked on Blood Dragon.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING TOGETHER?
'Trials and Blood Dragon made baby together'. That's a pitch and a half.
LukehMuse: What is happening
Greatness. That's what's happening.
Trials of the Blood Dragon.
Out now!
Antti is fantastic. When I was over at RedLynx to see Trials Fusion he peddled in to the press room on a tricycle. His business cards are also specially-stamped coins.
Well, as soon as the conference ends. What a lovely surprise.
Assassin's movie up next.
Iain815: Boo! I was expecting the Fass.
That would be some prime nipple. Sadly doesn't look like it's to be.
I took a toilet break. Hope that's okay.
I can never unsee what I saw in Shame when it comes to Fassbender. So this is going to be a difficult watch.
So much talent in this that it's going to be hard for it to be awful.
And Jeremy Irons' presence, along with the sci-fi overtones, gives me a Cronenberg vibe.
Let's wait and see!
Oh no they're being hacked!
I could listen to Jonathan Morin's voice all day.
Weeertch Dergs 2.
I have spent too much time walking down this very road every time I go to San Francisco on my way to the arcade in Fisherman's Wharf.
Loving the look and the city. Everything else?
You can tweak nipples with your phone though, right?
Watch Dogs 2 certainly looks better than the original. Will that be good enough though?
I think we've got a couple of new game announcements coming after this. One of which has leaked already on Ubisoft's YouTube channel.
I won't say anything. Other than it looks SSXy.
Yves O'Clock.
He's so tiny!
Oh!
Oh my!
It's Jim Ryan!
He's one big nipple!
(I mean that as a term of endearment, of course!)
What a hunk of a man.
I think he said something about a Watch Dogs movie, but to be honest I wasn't listening.
I was imagining being whisked away in those trunk-like arms.
Keep away from my Jim, Aisha.
Anyway, back to the games - as hard as it is to shift our attention away from Jim - Watch Dogs 2 does look like a massive improvement, and I love the more fluid free-running and fun ways to get involved in non-lethal play.
One more game, then.
A new, SSX-like sports game from Ubisoft Annecy. And it looks hawt.
It is nice to see something which didn't leak. (Well, except on Ubi's YouTube a couple minutes ago).
Wingsuits, skis, snowboards. FUN!
Steep.
And, in the spirit of this (very good) conference, here's some gameplay.
I like this video game.
It's got a glorious sense of scale.
I don't know why you're all laughing. It's spelt Drreeerpp Zerrrns.
He's pronouncing it right. You're all wrong.
That is some lovely snow, and some great first-person GoPro viewpoints too.
Well, that's a lovely surprise.
And a really lovely conference.
It's playable on the showfloor at E3, is out this December, and there's a beta soon.
One final farewell from all the teams. I think they deserve a round of applause.
People are filing out here in the theatre. But could there be one more thing...?
That is a lot of nipple on one stage, for sure.
One more thing?
Nope, it's just Yves blissing out on stage.
2016 is not only Ubisoft's 30th anniversary but it is also the year in which it is fighting aggressive takeover from Vivendi.
I think Yves just made it clear he ain't selling.
Thanks for joining us. And thanks to Ubisoft for that.
Three hours to go until Sony's up. Hopefully catch you then!