Skip to main content

Colosseum: Road to Freedom

Colosseum: Road to Boredom, more like.

Dark blue icons of video game controllers on a light blue background
Image credit: Eurogamer

You want to know about Colosseum, yes? Well, you’ll have to make your way through this paragraph first.

Now you’re in a second paragraph. Have a look around here for some information of some sort, or anything of interest, but there’s nothing. Just carry on reading these words for a bit, and then you can find the third paragraph.

Here’s the third paragraph. Nothing much happening here either. A little bit depressing. Just carry on a little more and maybe they’ll be something you can get your teeth into. Surely Eurogamer wouldn’t waste four entire pargraphs on some kind of concept piece?

Fourth Paragraph and they clearly would.

And fifth too. Where the hell is the bloody review? It’s got to be around here somewhere. It says review at the top of the page. They wouldn’t lie in such a profound and glaring way. Maybe there’s some kind of error and they’ve printed a load of rubbish instead of the review? And not for the first time. Why are there so many useless paragraphs here? You don’t understand what’s going on.

Nice helmet. Missus.

Colosseum: Road to Freedom is a beat-‘em-up with role-playing character development elements, starring you as a Gladiator trying to accumulate enough cash to buy their freedom. Phew. At last.

While Colosseum is a possessor of an array of faults to have a nice little natter about for the remains of the review, it’s the passing, strange ones which stick. Put aside the camera controls, or the character responsiveness or the general repetitiveness; why do the designers think it’ll be a good idea to walk through a good half-dozen completely empty screens on the way to fight in the colosseum?

It’s as if the designers were napping through most of the design lecture talking about atmosphere, waking up for the bits talking about how actually creating a framing environment to move through can make everything seem part of a real world. However, they missed the bits where these environments had to be full of visual splendour and characters to interact with to create the illusion, and instead just lobbed together some empty boxes of pseudo-roman architecture with some semi-naked Chippendale types walking around in formation.

(Every time you go to one of the arenas, three fellow gladiators walk out of the truck after you, slowly, within a few inches of each other. In perfect time. In their loincloths. You’re half expecting for them to announce “Hello, ladies… your entertainment is here”.)

While the route into the Colosseum itself is worse, there are similar extraneous rooms outside the smaller arenas, between your barracks and the training field and even a mess hall. Add small loading pauses between most of them and a seemingly random mixture of skippable and unskippable cut-scenes pre-bout and you’ve got something which just goes out of the way to alienate you. Even worse, it disguises the game’s options. By positioning the equipment shop in an area you’d never normally go, it managed to conceal its existence for most of my playing time before I accidentally stumbled into it.

What’s wrong with a nice menu, eh? It’s not as if your graphics engine is anything you’d want to show off.

Tyger, Tyger, Burning Bright, in the colloseum, fighting gladiators. Waitaminute.

It’s also worth noting that obfuscation is a general theme – there’s a two player mode, but you only discover it by selecting one of the game’s three arenas in the single-battle modes. Select any of the other arenas, and it’s not there. When you start the single player game, you’re asked questions about what your background is to determine your starting stats, but none of the options include the slightest hint what they actually mean. Do I want to choose the route of Survival or Destiny? Who can tell? When in the practice yard, which of the exercises improve which of the abilities? In terms of explaining things to a new player, the designers believe firmly in a less is more policy. Or, more probably, less is less effort.

The game follows a simple sequence. You alternate between a day of training and a day at the circus. However, it’s a Roman-style circus, which means that rather than performing prat-falls in a clown suit to amuse children you kill dozens of your fellow men to amuse children.

On your training day, you perform two exercises, with simple mini-games – rhythm-action sequences, target galleries, etc – that your level of success determined the amount of points you have to distribute across your statistics. Be the strong but slow character, the fast but weak character or the (always unfortunate) weak but slow character? It’s for you to decide.

On the day at the arena, you get to choose which events you wish to enter – from multi-way brawls, to single-foe duels, to battles against beasts, to recreation of historical battles. Win, and ninety percent of your cash goes towards the game’s objective of paying off your huge debts and making you a free man, leaving ten-percent to be used to pay for resurrections when you die. Mainly, anyway. There’s that shop, if you can find it, and even slaves to gather when you manage to become a high-rank gladiator.

Its basic structure of slow improvements followed by bouts to play with your new talent is what gives Colosseum its basic structure and simple compulsiveness. Even if the bouts aren’t much fun and the RPG-elements are relatively straight-forward, the inching towards greater powers with new special moves gives it a sense of direction.

This is Colosseum’s Good Point.

Rather than God of War’s and the forthcoming Spartan’s beyond-macho fantasies of ultimate-manhood, Colosseum takes a more grounded approach. Yes, you may have to defeat thirty people in an arena before winning a round, but you’d only be taking three on at a time, max. It’s important to pay attention to armour, blocking and dodging, with a button-bashing approach normally ending with your fighter exhausted and bisected by someone’s gladius. There are also three main styles, centring around sword and small shield, weapon and large shield and two one-handed weapons, each with their own advantages and special moves.

Can you pass the oil? I can't reach it from here.

All of this would have been a welcome change, except the control system kind of fumbles it, especially when married to one of the least able camera seen this year. There’s extremely little assistance in terms of choosing a target for your blade – and when the game is resting upon you to make swift, perfectly aimed counter-attacks, this muddiness makes everything a little too random. It’s particularly bad with parrying – time right, and you block. Don’t time right and you make a normal attack, ruining the guard. Linking special attacks by pressing one of the left triggers, combined with a normal button is a reasonable idea, but less appealing when the other left trigger and the button just makes you lob your weapons across the arena.

But it’s the camera which makes the desired precision too elusive. It’s entirely under the player’s control, requiring constant manual orientation to see what’s going on, which is exactly the sort of thing you don’t have time for when trying to avoid three are-you-Gladiator?-yes-she-was-very-tasty tigers on the sandy floor of the Circus Maximus. It’s most laughable in the smaller arena, where large spiked pillars rise from the ground. They’re meant to be deadly by you pushing your foes onto them to be hurt, but in actual play they provoke more injuries by just blocking your view to the action. Bloody architects.

While the simple structure makes it compulsive, it also leaves it unsophisticated. While there’s a few variants, most fights take place in the same few arenas and feature the same objectives, i.e. kill everyone with your sword in a crowd-pleasing manner. That your financial rewards are linked to how much you show off – length of combos, number of dodges – is the closest that Colosseum gets to another Good Point.

Minor annoyances grow larger the more you have to face them. Forget the slow presentation – though that they’ve put options in multiple places in an area rather than in a menu makes it worryingly easy to step into a bout with something important missing from your set up (Like having a set of shield-based special powers equipped when you’re using dual blades). For example, the best way to get more equipment is to take it from the bodies of the dead. This means that you have to drop whatever you’re carrying to pick any extra item up on the way out. However, after the bout is won, you’re transported to the middle of the arena to bow, so you have to rush back to wherever you were to salvage the equipment before the timer drags you out. It’s all clumpen and lumpen and no-fun-en.

But, returning to the original strange wandering into the arenas, you know what the worst thing is? When you’ve completed all the days' events, when there’s nothing else to be done, you’d think you’d just be brought back home automatically. Except not. You know what actually happens?

Well, an empty paragraph.

And another one.

And a third.

Are we there yet?

Almost.

You have to walk all the way out to get back on your truck. I mean… why?

Though, if you’re considering Colosseum: Road To Freedom, that’s a question you should get used to asking.

4 / 10

Read this next

seductrice.net
universo-virtual.com
buytrendz.net
thisforall.net
benchpressgains.com
qthzb.com
mindhunter9.com
dwjqp1.com
secure-signup.net
ahaayy.com
tressesindia.com
puresybian.com
krpano-chs.com
cre8workshop.com
hdkino.org
peixun021.com
qz786.com
utahperformingartscenter.org
worldqrmconference.com
shangyuwh.com
eejssdfsdfdfjsd.com
playminecraftfreeonline.com
trekvietnamtour.com
your-business-articles.com
essaywritingservice10.com
hindusamaaj.com
joggingvideo.com
wandercoups.com
wormblaster.net
tongchengchuyange0004.com
internetknowing.com
breachurch.com
peachesnginburlesque.com
dataarchitectoo.com
clientfunnelformula.com
30pps.com
cherylroll.com
ks2252.com
prowp.net
webmanicura.com
sofietsshotel.com
facetorch.com
nylawyerreview.com
apapromotions.com
shareparelli.com
goeaglepointe.com
thegreenmanpubphuket.com
karotorossian.com
publicsensor.com
taiwandefence.com
epcsur.com
mfhoudan.com
southstills.com
tvtv98.com
thewellington-hotel.com
bccaipiao.com
colectoresindustrialesgs.com
shenanddcg.com
capriartfilmfestival.com
replicabreitlingsale.com
thaiamarinnewtoncorner.com
gkmcww.com
mbnkbj.com
andrewbrennandesign.com
cod54.com
luobinzhang.com
faithfirst.net
zjyc28.com
tongchengjinyeyouyue0004.com
nhuan6.com
kftz5k.com
oldgardensflowers.com
lightupthefloor.com
bahamamamas-stjohns.com
ly2818.com
905onthebay.com
fonemenu.com
notanothermovie.com
ukrainehighclassescort.com
meincmagazine.com
av-5858.com
yallerdawg.com
donkeythemovie.com
corporatehospitalitygroup.com
boboyy88.com
miteinander-lernen.com
dannayconsulting.com
officialtomsshoesoutletstore.com
forsale-amoxil-amoxicillin.net
generictadalafil-canada.net
guitarlessonseastlondon.com
lesliesrestaurants.com
mattyno9.com
nri-homeloans.com
rtgvisas-qatar.com
salbutamolventolinonline.net
sportsinjuries.info
wedsna.com
rgkntk.com
bkkmarketplace.com
zxqcwx.com
breakupprogram.com
boxcardc.com
unblockyoutubeindonesia.com
fabulousbookmark.com
beat-the.com
guatemala-sailfishing-vacations-charters.com
magie-marketing.com
kingstonliteracy.com
guitaraffinity.com
eurelookinggoodapparel.com
howtolosecheekfat.net
marioncma.org
oliviadavismusic.com
shantelcampbellrealestate.com
shopleborn13.com
topindiafree.com
v-visitors.net
djjky.com
053hh.com
originbluei.com
baucishotel.com
33kkn.com
intrinsiqresearch.com
mariaescort-kiev.com
mymaguk.com
sponsored4u.com
crimsonclass.com
bataillenavale.com
searchtile.com
ze-stribrnych-struh.com
zenithalhype.com
modalpkv.com
bouisset-lafforgue.com
useupload.com
37r.net
autoankauf-muenster.com
bantinbongda.net
bilgius.com
brabustermagazine.com
indigrow.org
miicrosofts.net
mysmiletravel.com
selinasims.com
spellcubesapp.com
usa-faction.com
hypoallergenicdogsnames.com
dailyupdatez.com
foodphotographyreviews.com
cricutcom-setup.com
chprowebdesign.com
katyrealty-kanepa.com
tasramar.com
bilgipinari.org
four-am.com
indiarepublicday.com
inquick-enbooks.com
iracmpi.com
kakaschoenen.com
lsm99flash.com
nana1255.com
ngen-niagara.com
technwzs.com
virtualonlinecasino1345.com
wallpapertop.net
casino-natali.com
iprofit-internet.com
denochemexicana.com
eventhalfkg.com
medcon-taiwan.com
life-himawari.com
myriamshomes.com
nightmarevue.com
healthandfitnesslives.com
androidnews-jp.com
allstarsru.com
bestofthebuckeyestate.com
bestofthefirststate.com
bestwireless7.com
britsmile.com
declarationintermittent.com
findhereall.com
jingyou888.com
lsm99deal.com
lsm99galaxy.com
moozatech.com
nuagh.com
patliyo.com
philomenamagikz.net
rckouba.net
saturnunipessoallda.com
tallahasseefrolics.com
thematurehardcore.net
totalenvironment-inthatquietearth.com
velislavakaymakanova.com
vermontenergetic.com
kakakpintar.com
jerusalemdispatch.com
begorgeouslady.com
1800birks4u.com
2wheelstogo.com
6strip4you.com
bigdata-world.net
emailandco.net
gacapal.com
jharpost.com
krishnaastro.com
lsm99credit.com
mascalzonicampani.com
sitemapxml.org
thecityslums.net
topagh.com
flairnetwebdesign.com
rajasthancarservices.com
bangkaeair.com
beneventocoupon.com
noternet.org
oqtive.com
smilebrightrx.com
decollage-etiquette.com
1millionbestdownloads.com
7658.info
bidbass.com
devlopworldtech.com
digitalmarketingrajkot.com
fluginfo.net
naqlafshk.com
passion-decouverte.com
playsirius.com
spacceleratorintl.com
stikyballs.com
top10way.com
yokidsyogurt.com
zszyhl.com
16firthcrescent.com
abogadolaboralistamd.com
apk2wap.com
aromacremeria.com
banparacard.com
bosmanraws.com
businessproviderblog.com
caltonosa.com
calvaryrevivalchurch.org
chastenedsoulwithabrokenheart.com
cheminotsgardcevennes.com
cooksspot.com
cqxzpt.com
deesywig.com
deltacartoonmaps.com
despixelsetdeshommes.com
duocoracaobrasileiro.com
fareshopbd.com
goodpainspills.com
hemendekor.com
kobisitecdn.com
makaigoods.com
mgs1454.com
piccadillyresidences.com
radiolaondafresca.com
rubendorf.com
searchengineimprov.com
sellmyhrvahome.com
shugahouseessentials.com
sonihullquad.com
subtractkilos.com
valeriekelmansky.com
vipasdigitalmarketing.com
voolivrerj.com
worldhealthstory.com
zeelonggroup.com
1015southrockhill.com
10x10b.com
111-online-casinos.com
191cb.com
3665arpentunitd.com
aitesonics.com
bag-shokunin.com
brightotech.com
communication-digitale-services.com
covoakland.org
dariaprimapack.com
freefortniteaccountss.com
gatebizglobal.com
global1entertainmentnews.com
greatytene.com
hiroshiwakita.com
iktodaypk.com
jahatsakong.com
meadowbrookgolfgroup.com
newsbharati.net
platinumstudiosdesign.com
slotxogamesplay.com
strikestaruk.com
techguroh.com
trucosdefortnite.com
ufabetrune.com
weddedtowhitmore.com
12940brycecanyonunitb.com
1311dietrichoaks.com
2monarchtraceunit303.com
601legendhill.com
850elaine.com
adieusolasomade.com
andora-ke.com
bestslotxogames.com
cannagomcallen.com
endlesslyhot.com
iestpjva.com
ouqprint.com
pwmaplefest.com
qtylmr.com
rb88betting.com
buscadogues.com
1007macfm.com
born-wild.com
growthinvests.com
promocode-casino.com
proyectogalgoargentina.com
wbthompson-art.com
whitemountainwheels.com
7thavehvl.com
developmethis.com
funkydogbowties.com
travelodgegrandjunction.com
gao-town.com
globalmarketsuite.com
blogshippo.com
hdbka.com
proboards67.com
outletonline-michaelkors.com
kalkis-research.com
thuthuatit.net
buckcash.com
hollistercanada.com
docterror.com
asadart.com
vmayke.org
erwincomputers.com
dirimart.org
okkii.com
loteriasdecehegin.com
mountanalog.com
healingtaobritain.com
ttxmonitor.com
nwordpress.com
11bolabonanza.com