Hi, hello and welcome to Gamescom 2019, which is being kicked off by a special episode of Inside Xbox that promises some small treats. What exactly will they be? Join us at 4pm BST to find out.
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Well hi, hello and how do you do?
每 Martin Robinson
Just getting set up - I'm not over in Cologne (that honour this year goes to Aoife, Emma and Tom who are all en route as I type).
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And I am going to be very onbrand and watching via the Xbox One X in my living room. Don Mattress, your multimedia, Microsoft-endorsed future finally arrived.
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Would b up 4 dat.
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bumtooth: My money is on a new studio acquisition, I can feel it in my bones!
Because there's nothing gamerz love more than an acquisition!
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God, video game conferences are weird things aren't they?
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Well, this isn't even a conference, but you know what I mean.
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In terms of setting expectations - well, best set them quite low, and then you might just be pleasantly surprised.
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We're getting new gameplay looks at Gears of War 5, a lil bit on Battletoads as well as a look at the new Destiny 2 expectations.
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Anything beyond that would be just gravy, quite honestly.
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EA aren't even doing a show this year, which I think counts as a pleasant surprise?
每 Martin Robinson
Lol my Xbox stopped working does anyone know if you can watch videos on a Switch.
每 Martin Robinson
No wait it's all good. But also this is the first time I've ever watched anything on Mixer, and I obviously thought setting it up ten minutes before the show starts would be the wise thing to do.
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It's making it all *very* exciting right now.
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Oh wait, I'm in. We've got Skynet by the balls now, don't we?
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Just under 10 minutes to go, and in a portentous moment the skies above Lewisham open up for a thunderous downpour.
每 Martin Robinson
This is honestly the most dramatic opening to a conference/show I've ever had.
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And also Ori in Smash when?
每 Martin Robinson
Also I'm not saying we're just getting E3 reheats - but I'm pretty sure this music that's being pumped out before the show was also used in LA earlier this year.
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Less than a minute to go!
每 Martin Robinson
Or maybe more or maybe less depending on where your stream is at IDK.
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And.
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Here.
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We.
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Go.
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Kicking off with a Borderlands 3 trailer.
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And a nice shot of the cathedral in Cologne.
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Oh I'm almost sad about not being there.
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*Almost*
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We have an youthful presenting team, with no Major Nelson to be seen.
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I'm partly impressed that Microsoft has chosen to front a big show with some young, energetic presenters.
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Also sad about no Larry.
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Getting big Number 73 vibes from this gaggle of presenters.
每 Martin Robinson
And really compliments don't come much bigger than that.
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Still can't believe Andrea Arnold used to be part of that Number 73 ensemble.
每 Martin Robinson
It's like finding out Werner Herzog used to be part of Mickey Mouse Club.
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He wasn't, was he?
每 Martin Robinson
Oh hang on there's a games show I'm supposed to be writing about. And a Blair Witch trailer!
每 Martin Robinson
It's got a dog in it.
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I honestly can't remember a thing about The Blair Witch Project. I think it was about someone standing in the corner of a dark room?
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Quite up for more Herzog facts to pepper today's show with.
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Here's some Games Pass details - Kingdom Come: Deliverance first.
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And that's landing on August 20th.
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Not landing are some of the ad libs here.
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Bard's Tale 4 and Ape Out also coming - as is The Blair Witch Project when it comes out on August 30th.
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Oh and three new games coming to Games Pass today - Age of Empires on PC, Stellaris on Xbox One and.... Wait, what? Devil May Cry 5!
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Cripes.
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That's quite a good game, that.
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Games Pass is quite good, innit.
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Did he keep his cigarette packet in the sleeve? Because respect if so.
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A quick trailer for free DLC for the lovely - and phenomenally successful - Human Fall Flat.
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It's deffo more CITV than CBBC.
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Would like and subscribe to that content.
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Oh no I just remembered that Gears of War Pop exists.
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It's out on August 22nd (and a reminder that it's a mobile game that's also playable on Windows 10).
And in a moment of quite incredible cruelty, some netball playing lad is having his in-game score revealed live to himself.
每 Martin Robinson
INSOMANiAC: Whatever happened to Bonnie Langford?
Cancelled.
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And it's quite a mediocre score too.
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I quite like the twisted mind that thought it'd be good to reveal to this chap that he's considered a '76'.
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Not even sure that's a Recommended.
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An odd choice having American Netball featuring in a European show, but hey ho.
每 Martin Robinson
For a horrible second I thought Bonnie Langford was dead, but it turns out she's fine.
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She's just doing panto and has a guest role in Eastenders, which is kind of a bit like what I imagine being dead is like anyway.
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belziah: What’s going on?
Who is this aimed at?
We, the gamers.
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The American Netball has finished!
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So now it's the Nasty Hard Right American Man's Apolitical Gun Game now.
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And to top it all off, the trailer is soundtracked by a funky, modern ironic cover of Song 2.
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TheStoneRoses: It great we have so many obnoxious smart arses on the comments.
And doing the live report, pal.
每 Martin Robinson
Anyway, Ghost Recon Breakpoint has multiplayer.
每 Martin Robinson
AddressUnknown: Ghost Recon will be pretty great. Wildlands was a blast.
I keep hearing this, but I could never get past a dozen hours because it was so blaaaaand. I probably am a bit impatient.
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Randy from Gearbox is here to take us through Borderlands 3.
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No, not that Randy. He's almost definitely cancelled.
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Borderlands is looking very Borderlands, which will excite some while maybe not inspiring others.
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Borderlands 3 has a couple of characters who are livestreamers, if you wondered if its tone could be any more unbearable.
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...
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A bit more on Bonnie Langford - she's currently taking part in a West End revival of the musical 42nd Street.
每 Martin Robinson
Oh, she was also in the recent West End version of 9 to 5. She's very much alive and seems to be doing really well!
每 Martin Robinson
Really pleased for her.
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Always thought she was great as Mel Bush in Doctor Who.
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Meanwhile at Inside Xbox, they're talking PUBG.
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AddressUnknown: Martin, pace the Bonnie Langford trivia. We have got Stadia stream to get through. ;)
Who's saying I don't have *loads* more.
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INSOMANiAC: Whatever happened to to Slyvester McCoy?
DEFINITELY NOT CANCELLED.
每 Martin Robinson
Oh wait, crossplay is coming to PUBG which is pretty cool.
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INSOMANiAC: Very much the thinking mans Tom Baker
Preach!
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PUBG is also getting lore?
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Crossplay is coming late September. Genuinely big and brilliant news.
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Wasteland 3 now - which is a sort of/not quite first party thing now that InExile are part of the Microsoft family.
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jetsetwillie: Bob Carolgees died after he got mauled by Spit.
He's definitely cancelled. So is that dog.
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weebleman: Just logged in to catch up and it looks like its been absolutely thrilling to behold...anyway, did you know her real name is Bonita Melody Lysette Langford.
Great trivia!
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INSOMANiAC: Bonnie Langford for Smash!
The campaign starts here.
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Wasteland 3 actually looks lovely.
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Some new controllers now - a new type of camo controller.
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That and there's a blue one, I think. Dunno, was looking up Neil Buchanan on Wikipedia.
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There's an unboxing of those videos going live on the Xbox YouTube channel straight after this, FYI.
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Apparently Carolgees was doing panto a couple of years back in Sevenoaks.
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Pleased he's still alive, but surely that's no way to spend your 70th year on this earth.
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Hang on shhhh it's a video game that's new and looks so god and that I can't wait to play.
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It's Romero Games' Empire of Sin.
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What on earth is a yankee candle shop?
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Brenda and John are here to talk us through Empire of Sin.
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This is good content - Brenda Romero telling us how an old local bar inspired Empire of Sin.
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weebleman: Its a shop that sells yankee candles martin
Haha, thanks.
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Is that true? That's almost more tragic than being in panto in Sevenoaks.
每 Martin Robinson
Sorry, back to Empire of Sin - I think the reason it looks so exciting is there are all this amazing systems bubbling along together.
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All delivered with a really nice sense of flavour.
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I've genuinely never stopped to think.
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Empire of Sin is out next spring, and it's one of the games I'm most excited about in 2020.
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Vigor, which I previously had no idea existed, is coming out of preview on Xbox One.
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It's a survivally multiplayer loot and shoot thang, which does look a little generic.
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It's alive and well in the home counties, I'm sure.
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Aaron Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenberg is here for what I can only imagine is a look at Gears' Horde mode.
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Cancelled?
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I hope not.
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minky-kong: Potpourri has been "pivoted" into health food like Kale Crisps.
That explains a lot.
每 Martin Robinson
INSOMANiAC: Potpourri is very much the non thinking mans Bombay mix
The wisdom in here today is off the charts.
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A reminder, too, that XO19 is in London this November.
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We'll be there. They can't even stop me as it's on my doorstop.
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I will come bearing bowls of pot pourri.
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Major Nelson will be there, so try and stop me.
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(Also that's a man who still has pot pourri around the fireplace).
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And Phil Spencer will be there too. It'll be quite exciting!
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Benny from Xbox just inadvertantly channelled Alan Partridge as he repeatedly shouts 'Aaron. Aaron! AARON!' in an attempt to get Greenberg's attention.
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Well you'll always be welcome here.
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INSOMANiAC: You've made the schoolboy error of thinking potpourri is two words. We've all been there.
I apologise. But I'm also too lazy to go and edit that old comment.
每 Martin Robinson
INSOMANiAC: clap THAT you cunts.
It was *cheer* that, but thanks for typing that out so I don't have to.
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It originally started in that Bethesda conference with all the hollering and screaming. And it's probably the highlight of my life.
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We're approaching the hour point, which I'm hoping will be the cutoff.
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No wait I think there's another 30 minutes of this - we've got Metro Exodus, The Surge, Destiny 2 and gears all inbound.
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On the plus side, 5pm means beer o' clock, so go raid your fridges.
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The Surge 2 looks wonderful, although it does look like one of those games that's destined to live away from the limelight.
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It's almost a full-time job keeping up with FromSoft's output, so personally speaking I find it hard to find room for another similar game. I really should though, as there's a lot to like about The Surge 2.
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Well, funny you ask. I went to the pub for fish and chips for lunch as I knew I'd be working through 'til late.
每 Martin Robinson
And yes, I'm afraid that means it is me for Google and Geoffffff.
每 Martin Robinson
Make it four and I agree.
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Yeah it's an odd way to present the game, but you can't fault them for showing off the detail.
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I feel like I've already played and completed The Surge 2 after this.
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That was The Surge 2. Now we're going to talk about a sequel to Destiny!
每 Martin Robinson
That's awesome - I loved the first Destiny and was hoping they'd make a second one.
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Finishers are new to Destiny 2: Shadowkeep - and they're class specific.
每 Martin Robinson
Looking at the light levels for peole in Shadowkeep just reminds me how long it's been since I've played Destiny - and how unlikely it is I'll ever return.
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This is all a bit Smash Hits live, though.
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Oh god maybe I'm just too old and cynical for all this.
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October 1st is the release date for Shadowkeep - which I think we knew already.
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INSOMANiAC: Whatever happened to 'Look-in' magazine?
My sister got her birthday mentioned in Look-in! It was the closest to fame we ever got.
每 Martin Robinson
_Alan_Cartridge_: Whatever happened to sun-roofs in cars? I was thinking the other day you just don't see them anymore and they used to be all the rage.
They're buried, along with all the white dog pooh.
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Is that an actual, bonafide fact? Don't make me spend the entire Google Stadia show working through every single cover to verify this.
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Gears time - but before we can see gameplay, here's an overwrought montage telling you all what Gears means to people.
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Fat necks and big guns.
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INSOMANiAC: It was a lie.
So disappointed. But thanks for saving me an hour of looking through Look-in covers.
每 Martin Robinson
Gears 5, though, should be good - Gears 4 was wilfully conservative, and it'll be fascinating to see how 5 stamps its own sense of identity.
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With fat necks and big guns, I reckon.
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Gears 5 Horde Mode trailer, which is the climax of this whole thing, is now being shown off.
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Character-based abilities make it seem a bit more like a hero shooter.
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Also, graphics. Lots and lots of graphics.
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Gears 5: Fatter Necks and Bigger Guns. I would buy the crap out of that.
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Taps and ultimates are the big new things for 5's Horde mode - it's a slightly more flexible, dynamic brand of Horde.
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Still mostly bigger necks and fatter guns though.
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There's upgradeable collectible cards too because 2019.
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Oh, and JACK - the bot, that is - is now playable in Horde.
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I presume as a support-focussed character?
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Haha, amazing.
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And that was Gears 5's horde mode.
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And this has been 90 minutes.
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There's a nice focus on accessibility in Gears 5, with lots of different control options - inculding single stick - and with Jack intended for players who don't necessarily feel so cosy with a gun.
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INSOMANiAC: It really is a talent to feign interest as enthusiastically as this lady manages.
She did seem genuinely excited by different difficulty levels, which was quite something.
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A Gears 5 limited edition console it here too. To take us through the last 60 seconds.
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It's a laser etched monstrosity of a thing that will look great in your room, if your room is in the basement of your parent's house somewhere in Oregon.
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INSOMANiAC: I think its just you and me left Martin.
Nice and romantic. Bring out the scented candles.
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Gears 5 is also on Steam, and you can pre-order from today.
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What about that Epic Games Store though?
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Two Halo: Reach characters - Kat and Emile - are also coming to Gears 5.
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weebleman: Is sony bothering themselves to do anything this year?
They'll have a slim presence at Geoff's show tonight!
每 Martin Robinson
It's been over 90 minutes. Stop talking.
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AddressUnknown: Apparently, Sony has a surprise tonight. Demon Souls remake is my dream.
Oooh. Well, it's happening, so it's only a matter of when. Tonight would be an odd choice, but I'd take it.
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Apologies for not talking about the Gears hoodie they've been chatting about the last five minutes.
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I think my brain melted and started dripping through my nose.
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That was 90 minutes. And a bit more.
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Sorry about all that, but thanks as ever for being here and making it all that bit more bearable.
每 Martin Robinson
Highlights? Empire of Sin looks great, Devil May Cry 5 is on Games Pass now.
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I don't think we can sign off one of these anymore without that. See you for Google in 20 minutes.