Skip to main content

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City PC Review

Martin gets paid to play Vice City all week. Git.

Eurogamer wallpaper
Image credit: Eurogamer

It seems so unfair that Grand Theft Auto's birth platform has become second best to Sony's unstoppable monolith. It's almost as if Rockstar has been thumbing its nose at PC users, making us wait months and months to indulge in madcap driving and violence whilst our PS2-owning mates bask in the glorious Floridian sun-drenched climes of Vice City. But not for long, oh no, because now it's finally here - and you've probably already got a copy, haven't you?

Miami Vice

Six months on, we'd actually forgotten how life-consumingly compelling Vice City was, but an hour with the PC version had us totally embroiled once more, quickly reminding of just how timeless it really is. Assuming you missed it first time around, here's what's going on: young Tommy Vercetti is fresh out of prison after serving a long stint for the mob, and has been sent down south by his former boss to Vice City in order to start a new life of crime. When a crucial cash/drugs handover goes wrong and the money gets pinched, Tommy is straight in at the deep end with a debt to pay on top of making a respectable name for himself in his new home.

And so it begins. Tommy starts off on the long road to finding out who stole his boss's money and paying them back, whilst making a few new friends and a tidy buck on the side. The first major difference between Vice City and its predecessor GTA3 is the drastically improved narrative; the player, as Tommy, is now a fully realised character with plenty to say for himself, interacting with the major and not-so-major players in town through a mostly amusing and well acted script, stuffed with amusing accents and even the odd series in-joke. The feeling of a large, gradually unravelling plot is far more obvious this time around, and getting to take part in the tale is a pleasure.

The other twist is of course the time and location. As a parody of 1980s Miami, Rockstar North has done a fantastic job of constructing a believable set of islands with appropriately garish neon-lined urban architecture, Cuban and Haitian-populated ghettos and disgustingly rich areas dotted with mansions - complete with golf courses and jetties, yachts and all. The look is familiar yet different - it feels like GTA3 but the glaring sun, large stretches of deep blue water, and overwhelming pastel of it all is unmistakably and almost perfectly 80s.

Twitch twitch click

Meanwhile the translation to PC has been in equal parts kind and unkind to Vice City. The shooting elements are vastly improved and far more fluid than their PS2 counterparts, thanks entirely to the mouse control scheme, but conversely the driving and piloting sections (the helicopter in particular) will have you fumbling over your keyboard and grinding your teeth with frustration. The higher resolutions afforded by PC hardware aren't kind to the overall visual quality either, giving you the impression that the almost-splendour before you isn't anywhere close to what could have been achieved - especially on the hardware Vice City demands.

Then again it's worth keeping in mind that Rockstar North has managed to craft this believable environment with what is frankly a pretty ropey-looking engine, and one that obviously wasn't designed for the PC. Despite horribly chunky characters, the animation is mostly beautiful, with body language playing an important role in the portrayal of the story, and cars are nicely constructed, even if they're also fuzzily textured, and the city architecture surrounding them is disappointingly boxy. However it doesn't get much better than that. Explosions are whimsical and scenery destruction is pathetic. There are many glitches too, with characters getting stuck in the scenery, flickering textures, disappearing textures and, on occasion, disappearing roads. But you live with it. You live with it because you're having so much damn fun.

New toys

So it's just GTA3 in the 80s right? Well, you could say that, but that would be missing the point. It takes the original formula and really gives it a shakedown. The objectives you'll have to complete range from the rudimentary to the utterly ludicrous, but they hardly ever become boring. Frustrating perhaps, but never really boring. And there are tweaks here and there that give the game a whole new dimension - leaping from a moving car, for example, adds another option to the fevered police pursuant as he careens through a busy slum, and brings another superbly cinematic element to the proceedings.

Then there are, of course, the motorbikes. From the scooters to the nippy little dirt bikes, right up to the thundering speedbikes, they lend a new dimension to the adventure. You can, for example, rev your way up a fire escape and onto the rooftops, leaping spectacularly from roof to roof attempting to locate those elusive hidden packages - of which another 100 have been crammed in. You can also fire a semi-automatic to the front while riding a bike, making short work of what could otherwise be a frustrating road chase. There are also controls for shifting your weight on the motorcycles, and corresponding entries in the statistics menu for longest wheelie and longest stoppy, just for fun.

And how could we possibly forget the soundtrack? This time out, the in-vehicle entertainment really knocks you back. There are hours and hours of licensed music here, all carefully handpicked to add to the 80s ambience - we couldn't help but smile the first time we pilfered a sports car and were welcomed with the sound of Billie Jean over the airwaves. The music is peppered with humorous banter from a host of new DJs, and even a few familiar voices from GTA3, albeit somewhat younger. When you stop the car and just listen to the radio as the sun turns the sky red and jets arc across the sky, with a gang having a shootout with the cops across the street, it's then that you realise the Rockstar had one hell of a lot of fun constructing this game.

Overwhelming?

Of course there are still times when you'll quit the main narrative-based missions in an absolute fury because you can't quite beat the particular one you're on, but the game offers so many different strategies for taking on most missions that you'll keep going back to formulate a new one - and you can usually just go and try another mission in any event. The game even offers you a taxi to take you straight back to the briefing should you get thrown in the clink or end up in the hospital.

The only problem is that it's actually quite easy to become overwhelmed by the sheer weight of stuff presented to you when you start the game, so much so that you may find yourself at a bit of a loss, not quite sure what to do aside from the main storyline missions. The few islands that Vice City consists of are quite flat and samey compared to their Liberty City counterparts, which doesn't help, and so when you unlock a new part of the island - which actually doesn't take that long - it's quite possible to be completely unaware of it, despite travelling back and forth between islands for a couple of missions. That never happened in Liberty.

We also miss being able to identify key landmarks to help us find our way around this time - like Liberty's massive suspension bridge, the dam, the military surplus depot and so on - as many of the areas and boundaries between them tend to blur and look a little samey. The enormity of your locale and the task ahead is present right from the beginning, and getting that completion statistic up to 100 per cent does at times seem like an absolutely impossible task.

Too good

But we know you'll persevere and hammer away at every last little side mission, finding every hidden package and trying to locate every single life-threatening leap of faith, because for all the hundreds of games we get through, we did. Hell, we still are and will be for months to come. You will want to tear open Vice City in the exact same way you did with its predecessor, and show all your mates your death defying motorcycle stunts. You will giggle at the missions that have you directing remote-controlled planes and helicopters with bombs strapped to the bottom, and at the Mexican telling you have "big cajones, man" as you fling yourself from the top of a ramp on board a speedboat. You may even start up mailing lists just to keep track of your latest and greatest feats, and share the joy of playing the latest GTA with a pool of equally enamoured friends.

Pin-pointing exactly what it is we love so much about Vice City is hard, simply because there is so much. It transcends the very genre it once created, encompassing driving, shooting, exploration, adventure, old-school point scoring and even collect 'em ups, what with the ability to buy up property across the city alongside the traditional package-finding. Sorry to have to go back to that old adage of having a complete "toy set" to play with, but it's hard to actually emphasise just how true that is. Even if there are a few kinks in this new PC version, it's still wonderful.

9 / 10

Read this next

seductrice.net
universo-virtual.com
buytrendz.net
thisforall.net
benchpressgains.com
qthzb.com
mindhunter9.com
dwjqp1.com
secure-signup.net
ahaayy.com
tressesindia.com
puresybian.com
krpano-chs.com
cre8workshop.com
hdkino.org
peixun021.com
qz786.com
utahperformingartscenter.org
worldqrmconference.com
shangyuwh.com
eejssdfsdfdfjsd.com
playminecraftfreeonline.com
trekvietnamtour.com
your-business-articles.com
essaywritingservice10.com
hindusamaaj.com
joggingvideo.com
wandercoups.com
wormblaster.net
tongchengchuyange0004.com
internetknowing.com
breachurch.com
peachesnginburlesque.com
dataarchitectoo.com
clientfunnelformula.com
30pps.com
cherylroll.com
ks2252.com
prowp.net
webmanicura.com
sofietsshotel.com
facetorch.com
nylawyerreview.com
apapromotions.com
shareparelli.com
goeaglepointe.com
thegreenmanpubphuket.com
karotorossian.com
publicsensor.com
taiwandefence.com
epcsur.com
mfhoudan.com
southstills.com
tvtv98.com
thewellington-hotel.com
bccaipiao.com
colectoresindustrialesgs.com
shenanddcg.com
capriartfilmfestival.com
replicabreitlingsale.com
thaiamarinnewtoncorner.com
gkmcww.com
mbnkbj.com
andrewbrennandesign.com
cod54.com
luobinzhang.com
faithfirst.net
zjyc28.com
tongchengjinyeyouyue0004.com
nhuan6.com
kftz5k.com
oldgardensflowers.com
lightupthefloor.com
bahamamamas-stjohns.com
ly2818.com
905onthebay.com
fonemenu.com
notanothermovie.com
ukrainehighclassescort.com
meincmagazine.com
av-5858.com
yallerdawg.com
donkeythemovie.com
corporatehospitalitygroup.com
boboyy88.com
miteinander-lernen.com
dannayconsulting.com
officialtomsshoesoutletstore.com
forsale-amoxil-amoxicillin.net
generictadalafil-canada.net
guitarlessonseastlondon.com
lesliesrestaurants.com
mattyno9.com
nri-homeloans.com
rtgvisas-qatar.com
salbutamolventolinonline.net
sportsinjuries.info
wedsna.com
rgkntk.com
bkkmarketplace.com
zxqcwx.com
breakupprogram.com
boxcardc.com
unblockyoutubeindonesia.com
fabulousbookmark.com
beat-the.com
guatemala-sailfishing-vacations-charters.com
magie-marketing.com
kingstonliteracy.com
guitaraffinity.com
eurelookinggoodapparel.com
howtolosecheekfat.net
marioncma.org
oliviadavismusic.com
shantelcampbellrealestate.com
shopleborn13.com
topindiafree.com
v-visitors.net
djjky.com
053hh.com
originbluei.com
baucishotel.com
33kkn.com
intrinsiqresearch.com
mariaescort-kiev.com
mymaguk.com
sponsored4u.com
crimsonclass.com
bataillenavale.com
searchtile.com
ze-stribrnych-struh.com
zenithalhype.com
modalpkv.com
bouisset-lafforgue.com
useupload.com
37r.net
autoankauf-muenster.com
bantinbongda.net
bilgius.com
brabustermagazine.com
indigrow.org
miicrosofts.net
mysmiletravel.com
selinasims.com
spellcubesapp.com
usa-faction.com
hypoallergenicdogsnames.com
dailyupdatez.com
foodphotographyreviews.com
cricutcom-setup.com
chprowebdesign.com
katyrealty-kanepa.com
tasramar.com
bilgipinari.org
four-am.com
indiarepublicday.com
inquick-enbooks.com
iracmpi.com
kakaschoenen.com
lsm99flash.com
nana1255.com
ngen-niagara.com
technwzs.com
virtualonlinecasino1345.com
wallpapertop.net
casino-natali.com
iprofit-internet.com
denochemexicana.com
eventhalfkg.com
medcon-taiwan.com
life-himawari.com
myriamshomes.com
nightmarevue.com
healthandfitnesslives.com
androidnews-jp.com
allstarsru.com
bestofthebuckeyestate.com
bestofthefirststate.com
bestwireless7.com
britsmile.com
declarationintermittent.com
findhereall.com
jingyou888.com
lsm99deal.com
lsm99galaxy.com
moozatech.com
nuagh.com
patliyo.com
philomenamagikz.net
rckouba.net
saturnunipessoallda.com
tallahasseefrolics.com
thematurehardcore.net
totalenvironment-inthatquietearth.com
velislavakaymakanova.com
vermontenergetic.com
kakakpintar.com
jerusalemdispatch.com
begorgeouslady.com
1800birks4u.com
2wheelstogo.com
6strip4you.com
bigdata-world.net
emailandco.net
gacapal.com
jharpost.com
krishnaastro.com
lsm99credit.com
mascalzonicampani.com
sitemapxml.org
thecityslums.net
topagh.com
flairnetwebdesign.com
rajasthancarservices.com
bangkaeair.com
beneventocoupon.com
noternet.org
oqtive.com
smilebrightrx.com
decollage-etiquette.com
1millionbestdownloads.com
7658.info
bidbass.com
devlopworldtech.com
digitalmarketingrajkot.com
fluginfo.net
naqlafshk.com
passion-decouverte.com
playsirius.com
spacceleratorintl.com
stikyballs.com
top10way.com
yokidsyogurt.com
zszyhl.com
16firthcrescent.com
abogadolaboralistamd.com
apk2wap.com
aromacremeria.com
banparacard.com
bosmanraws.com
businessproviderblog.com
caltonosa.com
calvaryrevivalchurch.org
chastenedsoulwithabrokenheart.com
cheminotsgardcevennes.com
cooksspot.com
cqxzpt.com
deesywig.com
deltacartoonmaps.com
despixelsetdeshommes.com
duocoracaobrasileiro.com
fareshopbd.com
goodpainspills.com
hemendekor.com
kobisitecdn.com
makaigoods.com
mgs1454.com
piccadillyresidences.com
radiolaondafresca.com
rubendorf.com
searchengineimprov.com
sellmyhrvahome.com
shugahouseessentials.com
sonihullquad.com
subtractkilos.com
valeriekelmansky.com
vipasdigitalmarketing.com
voolivrerj.com
worldhealthstory.com
zeelonggroup.com
1015southrockhill.com
10x10b.com
111-online-casinos.com
191cb.com
3665arpentunitd.com
aitesonics.com
bag-shokunin.com
brightotech.com
communication-digitale-services.com
covoakland.org
dariaprimapack.com
freefortniteaccountss.com
gatebizglobal.com
global1entertainmentnews.com
greatytene.com
hiroshiwakita.com
iktodaypk.com
jahatsakong.com
meadowbrookgolfgroup.com
newsbharati.net
platinumstudiosdesign.com
slotxogamesplay.com
strikestaruk.com
techguroh.com
trucosdefortnite.com
ufabetrune.com
weddedtowhitmore.com
12940brycecanyonunitb.com
1311dietrichoaks.com
2monarchtraceunit303.com
601legendhill.com
850elaine.com
adieusolasomade.com
andora-ke.com
bestslotxogames.com
cannagomcallen.com
endlesslyhot.com
iestpjva.com
ouqprint.com
pwmaplefest.com
qtylmr.com
rb88betting.com
buscadogues.com
1007macfm.com
born-wild.com
growthinvests.com
promocode-casino.com
proyectogalgoargentina.com
wbthompson-art.com
whitemountainwheels.com
7thavehvl.com
developmethis.com
funkydogbowties.com
travelodgegrandjunction.com
gao-town.com
globalmarketsuite.com
blogshippo.com
hdbka.com
proboards67.com
outletonline-michaelkors.com
kalkis-research.com
thuthuatit.net
buckcash.com
hollistercanada.com
docterror.com
asadart.com
vmayke.org
erwincomputers.com
dirimart.org
okkii.com
loteriasdecehegin.com
mountanalog.com
healingtaobritain.com
ttxmonitor.com
nwordpress.com
11bolabonanza.com